You Don't Look Depressed

 "But you don't look depressed." 

You say it to me like it's a fact, peering into my eyes as though searching for the sadness etched across my face. 

"I know," I reply emptily. "But I am." I give you a faint smile, a small curl of the corners of my lips, but it doesn't quite reach my eyes. My stomach doesn't hurt from laughing like it used to, my throat doesn't scream k-pop song lyrics until raw. Not because it forgot how to, but because it just doesn't see the point.

My friend, I know that I don't look depressed. Because depression doesn't always accompany puffy eyes, dark circles, constant tears streaming down your face. Sometimes it's this vague numbness. The point where you feel too much until you can't feel anything anymore. Your heart is full of nothingness, you dreams buried deep inside the complicated layers of your mind because your thoughts made the path too foggy. It's like you can't see a way forward.

Sometimes depression doesn't need to look dramatic. It doesn't need to be carried around everywhere and talked about like it's a big, dramatic period of melancholy because there's just much you can't see. 

A racing mind can be hidden with a dry laugh. A fake smile. A blank expression. A stable posture. 

So, yes, my friend. I may not look depressed. But I am. Because there are some things you can't see on the surface.