Manvitha's Musings

  I miss the days when I was bulging Not with grief, but with hope But now all I have is myself My burning thoughts which don’t help me cope People, situations, events and time Are not in my hands Yet it stings like sour lime I want my control back Yet I see the cracks The words that still hurt The spark I want back I wish I could feel strong and grow With no shame, no pain that shows Yet I continue to crumble each day Wishing that I still stay. 

Food that used to taste like paradise now feels like chewing cardboard. Education that used to feel like a privilege is now just something that fills in the void. Indulgence that used to be enriching is now just a way to escape. Connections that used to feel lively are simply what keeps me going now. Passion that used to spark a fire now became subtle, hard to find. Eyes that used to hold so much joy are now struggling to hold back tears. A heart that used to bulge with joy, is now tired and numb and bursting with everything. Can life just please go back to normal? Because I miss those days.  That's all I have to say. 

  Isn't it a privilege to have fixable problems, when emotional intelligence comes to your aid? There's hope, there's light at the end of the tunnel and with that belief, grief starts to fade. But now it's not the same It's all my fault Misunderstandings Which tear it all apart.  Is this how it all was supposed to end, left with no spark, no life to mend? Yet I know that it's me that made it like this like something out of control, a forbidden wish. I feel tired of chasing away these thoughts So I try to fill the void with distraction and whatnot. Can dreams be fuelled from an empty mind? Is there still any potential to find? Is it ok to keep asking, Or should I shut it out? Should I let it be the end, Embrace it like a friend? I still find it hard, still wish it never happened, but the question is, Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

 I look up at the sky, watching the beams of sunlight slowly disappear behind the clouds. I stand there, watching day turn into night, watching the sky turn into midnight blue with pink hues still seeping in below. Despite the sheer beauty and vastness of the world above, a world where clouds and stars are like dreams, whispers woven into the air, a single tear rolls down my cheek. I look up at the sky and think, “Don’t the stars get tired of shining so bright?”. So alluring, so illuminating, but don’t stars get tired too? I try to imagine them staring down at me from above, watching the tears sting my eyes and roll down my cheeks, laughing and teasing me for losing my spark so easily. The thought of it nearly makes me laugh. “But stars don’t just shine,” I say softly to no one but myself and the world above. “They burn. Sometimes they blast. You know, like supernovas.’ I finally sit down and look at the now starry sky, a dark black shade now showing the dazzling stars ever so clea...

 I don't know what to say but still you manage to make my heart sway Is this how it feels to love? So awkward But you're my comfort Is this how it feels to love? Moving closer in the dark No thoughts of anything falling apart Is this how it feels to love? I keep replaying it in my brain and tend to savor the pouring rain Is this how it feels to love? I have no words for what you do I wish that you were in my shoes Is this how it feels to love? I feel the spark I think you do too Is this how it feels to love?

The world I knew was full of color Joy and emotion like no other Full of good things which made me smile And filled me with strength to run a mile But you showed me that the world is a coin Has two sides to it, and you have to join Enduring the dark side is hard to escape  You lured me into a trap, flying with your cape But you are not a hero, just a person with no heart Cannot tell warmth and bad intentions apart You tried to use me, and I didn’t understand  I wish I did earlier, instead of staying bland No person deserves to endure what you did Your crimes must be punished, you are no kid Except that a kid may have values and humanity While the edge of society can only offer sympathy.