Something I Wish Someone Else Could Have Told Me (And Maybe You Do Too)

 

  Hi guys! Manvitha here. 

What is this blog about?

To be honest, I don't really know.

This morning, I woke up. I remember opening my journal and making this huge to-do list of things to do. I wanted to be productive today, I wanted to crush the day, I wanted to conquer the day, I just wanted to feel happy again. So that's what I did in the morning. I did some productive stuff, I filmed a few videos. But now, here I am. Writing this blog instead of doing more of my goals. I don't why but there used to be things that used to make me happy but now, doing them doesn't really feel the same anymore. Life doesn't really feel the same anymore. There used to be things that filled you with so much joy, they used to hold so much emotional weight, they used to make everything feel so meaningful, so worth it. But now those things don't really give me that much joy. And I realized that life isn't perfect. It's messy. Somedays it's hard to just wakeup and get out of bed. Sometimes it feels like every moment you're just suffocating, and you're not doing enough, and you need to do more. There are days when you feel bad about yourself, you feel guilty for all the mistakes you've done. There are days when you feel like nothing's the same anymore, you just want to feel productive again, you just want to feel worthy again.

But can I tell you something?

Your mother carried you for nine months. Everyone was so excited about you being born. Your mom went through so much to give birth to you. The moment you came out of her wound, you sparked so much life and love and joy in the world around you, in your loved ones. When God created you, he worked so hard, crafting every little inch of your body, mind and soul.

The most beautiful thing is that you're not the same as anyone else, no one can look like you, no one can think like you. Even if you feel lonely about that at the moment, I want you to understand that being different is a gift. That is your superpower. God didn't work so hard to craft every inch of you, your mom didn't carry you for nine months just for you to look in the mirror and think, "I'm not enough."

The fact you're still here today despite shows that you are worthy. This feeling won't last forever.

It's not that your amount of suffering or mistakes determine whether you deserve to feel worthy or not, whether you deserve to feel happy or not. Happiness is not a prize to be earned, it's not a privilege to be earned after pain. The mere fact that you're a human being trying to get better everyday shows that you are worthy of happiness. Happiness is a necessity. 

Now, it would be really easy for me to tell you through the screen, 'Stop crying. Be normal.' But I know that it's not that simple. I mean, if it were that simple, if it were merely a choice between crying and not crying, you wouldn't feel this way. 

So, when I write this blog, I'm not telling you to stop crying or to pretend that everything's ok. I just want you to know that you don't have to beat yourself up for wanting happiness, for chasing meaning. Because, at the end of the day, we are all humans looking for joy in our lives.

What I''m trying to say is, don't beat yourself up for being a literal human being.

It's ok to cry. It's ok to let it out. 

While reading this, you might just feel a teensy bit down. Or maybe, you feel as though you can't find the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Healing isn't about chasing the light, it's about noticing the beams of sunshine already seeping into the darkness. Maybe you can't see it yet. And that's ok. 

I just want you to know that you are so, so worthy, and one mistake or one bad situation doesn't define your entire existence.

Trapped in the past? You can't change it. Scared about the future? You can't predict it.

And that's the harsh truth. 

But what you can do is focus on now.

I'm not asking to be the "best version of yourself". I'm asking you to be a little better than yesterday. If that feels too hard for now, it's ok to focus on just getting through the next moment. But the present is all the matters. It's the only moment which we control or act on.

So, free yourself from the trap of the past. Free yourself from the fear of the future.

You're not alone in this. You are capable of getting back on your feet. You deserve it. 

I don't know who needs to hear this, but;

Life is too short to spend it beating yourself up about things you can't control.